He was a whiz kid. 79. Q. To get to the bottom. Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever. Toilet jokes arent my favorite WebA blonde woman came in for a routine physical at the doctors office. Im feeling really wiped. 4. A. the salamander who went to Hollywood to make newt movies? Ayatollah who? What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? When a dinosaur farts, it is a blast from the past. Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals? I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day. A. Makani Ravello Harrelson Has Acted in Movies - Facts about Woody Harrelson's Daughter, Does Bailey Zimmerman Have a Wife? What do you call a hippies wife? WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar? In memory of my Dad, heres his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? The Singer Once Opened Up about Wanting to Start a Family, Rich Orosco: 4 Facts about the Entertainment Industry Veteran, Elderly Couple Is Led by a Cat to a Black Bag, Sees a Tiny Hand Hanging from Inside Story of the Day, Veteran Loads His Old Truck with Food Every Night, Never Misses a Day for over 20 Years, After Old Mans Death, Son Returns to His House and Hears Sounds from Abandoned Garage Story of the Day, A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. What do you call a non-religious urologist? I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. 5. What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? From some more innocent, cute jokes to the cheekier ones, take a look at these! I bet you $100 that I can pee in it from over here.. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? It was a knot-for-profit. It wont be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches. Q. Dereliction of doodie. Quick little blurb I wrote in class: I wonder why a cats favorite song is Three Blind Mice. Please sign up with your best email address. Sign at the Urologist Office: Urine Good Hands. A device with a prick on both ends. A whizzard. How can you tell youre getting old? How does a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG? A. If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. If you pee on them they disappear. It runs in your genes. 6. A private tutor is a person who never farts in public. What happened after a truckload of Viagra was stolen? 119 HILARIOUS Poop Jokes That Will Make Kids Laugh Out Loud! 37. Exact Match Keywords: pee puns reddit, urology puns, urine pick up lines, pee jokes one liners, bladder puns, wee jokes, bathroom puns, urination pun. Nobel who? . How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's only "urine" until you pee, then it's "urout". Q. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Because they eat way too many peanuts. Warning: Proceed with Dew Caution! What do you call a steak thats been knighted by the queen? the New York Jets cocktail? What do you call a dog that you find in your bathroom? It was Chewie. Laughter is the best medicine. 56. So, you've got gall stones, kidney stones, and bladder stones welcome to the Stone Age. What do you call it when a racehorse has diarrhea? They get installed. A. What is the meaning of impotent? Q. Q. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? 3. Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." ", The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. What does Woody say when he has bad gas? Q. Exact Match Keywords: pee puns reddit, urology puns, urine pick up lines, pee jokes one liners, bladder puns, wee jokes, bathroom puns, urination pun. There are plenty of places to go at this exit! Sadly, I only got an eye roll from my wife. He couldnt budget. AmoMama creates engaging, meaningful content for women. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. Paddy frowns. " Who wants to know? What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist? Here are some funnies you can share with kids. The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. The bathroom is over there on your left. 3. He didnt have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. A. ICP. What do you call a pirate that skips class? Broke my arm and ended up in hospital. Why did one woman bring toilet paper to the birthday party? When you combine two of the most funniest things you get poop one liners. A. Depends. Everyone has an embarrassingly funny experience with poop. Whos there? I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead Urine Jokes, Funny Pee Puns, Urologist Humor (Because Mellow Yellow Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and Pee Puns May Make You Go with the Flow!) Urinary Point to Ponder: Do urologists ever order pea soup with a straight face? I saw my urologist the other day, and he really pissed me off! Why did the toilet roll down the hill? Laugh more: Banana jokes that are totally ap-peeling. Knock, knock. Your email address will not be published. Did you hear about the constipated composer? ), 50 Funny Bitcoin Jokes That Will Increase Your Investments. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Love is like a fart. On that noteyou will love as well those butt bum jokes. Does this taste funny to you?. So we have listed clean, funny and easy-to-get jokes about poop that your 4 year olds can relate to. I was going to tell you a poop joke but its really crappy. She had mittens. Of course I wouldnt say anything about her unless I could say something good. Its to take your dump and it doesnt discriminate, young and old, whatever gender you are, and just like our favorite seat, these toilet puns are for everyone to sit on and enjoy. To look for Pooh! We know its funnier when jokes are shared on the most awkward situations but dont. Looking for jokes about the urinary system? Uncle: Urine a lot of trouble mister. So brunettes can remember them. Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. 5. 32. What are kings farts called? Why did the lady stop telling poop jokes? Have you seen the movie Diarrhea? To see a mans true face, look to the photos he hasnt posted. Pee implies queue. Why is the cat so grouchy? Why arent dogs good dancers? Where does a winemaker get his gossip? What happens when you miss the toilet bowl? Humptys Dump. The agent says you gamble with that much money. Because if you fail it, urine trouble. more like dad revelations. A. The agent jumps up and down and says, haha! You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. A large fortune. Read more:FunnyBEST Friend JokesThat Will Knock Them Over! 66. There are some peeing tryed jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. 60. So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. Pizza-rrhea. Knock knock. What is crunchy and says meow? A lab report. If you have to force it, its probably crap. Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2 Can't you pee that you're pissing your mother off? You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. They go through a lot of shit. We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. Urine it to win it? We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. A. Have you seen the movie Diarrhea? Did you hear about the constipated accountant? The trots! What does Woody say when he has bad gas? Because he was stuffed. Kids will surely love it! 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? Did you hear about the constipated accountant? I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today. 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? I saw a big cat wearing a very colorful hat and cape the other day. A. Ctrl+P Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. To display your contact list, you must sign in. 35. He can charm the pants off just about anyone! Poop who? He set a new lap record. To pee what was on the other side. Well, urine luck! 59. . Subordinate Clauses. Why can you never hear a pterodactyl using the toilet? I love my toilet. We also collected the absolute best funny jokes of all time. It runs in your genes. To get to the other side. The smile looks really good on you. What is funny however, is some of the madness going on in the world because of the Covid-19, the toilet paper hoarding, the stockpiling of groceries and don't forget the new Coronavirus Did you hear about the urologist and psychiatrist who opened a practice together? Wanna hear a poop joke? What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? The barman agrees to the bet, so the man begins to urinate all over the bar, its patrons and even the barman himself basically everywhere except in the glass. the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? Why were there balloons in the bathroom? With additional reporting research by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty. 4. I bet you $100 that I can pee in it from over here.. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,"I wish 4. What do you call diarrhea that you get from Dominos? I hate spelling errors. My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF! What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? What do you call a cheap circumsision? 3. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. Why didnt the Tenth Doctor like potty training as a kid? The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it. All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach, 24. A few minutes later 5. Come in tomorrow and well have a chat about this. The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him. Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? His kleptomania had gotten out of hand Q. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people? To make it to the bottom! Urine Jokes, Funny Pee Puns, Urologist Humor (Because Mellow Yellow Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and Pee Puns May Make You Go with the Flow!) 2. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. I feel bad for toilets. What do octopuses do after using the toilet? ", She rolled her eyes and told me that one was a real stretch. One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. 1. A Pee Body Award. A. Control-P. Q. 96. Whats the definition of surprise? We hope you will find these urinary pee. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists? I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. A. Urologists only work on one bone. What's it called when you use a pay toilet in France? Because they want to see their pee HD. A whizzard. 16. Yeah, they got him on possession. We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. 3. WebThese are the best adult pirate jokes youll find. Luckily, it isnt something that can stop your day. The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. Fart jokes and toilet humor are things that are loved by kids. What happens if you fall into the toilet? He never reads any of mine. Q. A. Because their wives just wouldn't stand for it. One. So Im sure youll like them. Q. Wanna hear a poop joke? Q. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! Can't you pee that you're pissing your mother off? Q. WebWhat did one toilet say to the other toilet? What does a urologist shout out when he makes a medical breakthrough? Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test? Im feeling really wiped. 4. We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Turns out he was full of shit. It wasnt his doodie. I'd say urine for a real treat.". 2. 3. To prove he wasnt a chicken. Read More 45 Hilarious Pee Pee Puns Punstoppable. Coming and Going. A lot of people do have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. I dont really like how you can feel it move though. It leaked so they had to release it early. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 3. "Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore.". Captain Hooky. Their first daughter was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Probably 40 of the little suckers. Stop making me laugh or Ill puma pants! If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent? A. You let it finish! We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. Wanna hear a poop joke? Did you hear they arrested the devil? 2. How are urinals made functional? Im feeling really wiped. 4. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? I proudly proclaimed Urine luck! Q. Because it's all about number one. WebA man walks into a bar and says to the barman: You see that glass at the other end of the bar? I was calling the hospital, but it seems they were busy. We dont judge them. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? For more laughs, check our What Do You Call Jokes for Kids. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden And I'm making dinner, so can you please deal with this? Q. What does Woody say when he has bad gas? The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. I proudly proclaimed Urine luck! Q. 3. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating? Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever. the cat who ate a ball of yarn? Elementary. A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid #2! Well, you either stink or swim! 9. Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. Do these genes make me look fat? 3. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners I thought Id begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. 3. What do you call a mustache soaked in urine? Because he was looking for Pooh! WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. 74. Nothing better to a cat after a fight, than to hiss and make up. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Why are the urologist's pee jokes always so funny? I just hate when theyre too corny or run on. Because it was stuck in a crack. There was a birthday potty! Why don't men install urinals in their bathrooms at home? What do you call a fairy that uses the toilet? WebToday the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about our feline companions and their relatives. 1. Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon! A. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? How many people does it take to make the bathroom smell? Because they had nothing to go on! 5. Why couldnt the pirate play cards? Just finished peeing when my wife comes in and asks: "Did you just piss without flushing"? What is something you never appreciate until its gone? Why were there candles on a toilet seat? Because he was sitting on the deck. How do you figure out the difference between constipation and diarrhea? Peers. The best way a cat knows how to keep law & order is with Claw Enforcement. 1.Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom? 87. Just a phew! A guy just found out you can sell sperm to a sperm bank. Nothing, it was on the house. Pee Point to Ponder: Do funny urine jokes piss you off? A new study shows that one-third of people dont floss, while the other two-thirds couldnt answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths. Q. Something is in the air and we dont like it. Missile toe. Q. What did the convenience store clerk say to the customer who asked if they had a public restroom? 1. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. Good luck - I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. . A peeping tom. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2 You are signed up for our newsletter! Why did the baby put quarters in its diaper? What's the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist? Whos there? Because its his doody! He couldnt hold it in. Heard the person who invented the urinals was very young. A. We believe that every person's story is important as it provides our community with an opportunity to feel a sense of belonging, share their hopes and dreams. Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee. Because they make up literally everything. Uncle: Urine a lot of trouble mister. Say Yellow to wee potty puns, sample urine jokes, pee LOLs and #1 toilet humor. A. Gifted. 40. Funny one-liners. Why is #1 yellow? What did the bottle of conditioner do to the toilet? You might get the I dont get it from your kids. We definitely have more for you. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead. 17. See you in the Email! The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? That means one guy likes it. A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months. Q. At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull. Please fill in your e-mail so we can share with you our top stories! 'Cause he was already scared stiff! She said she felt like she might possibly have a UTI. Sometimes I laugh so hard that tears run down my leg Q. Best Poop Jokes and Puns. 27. It gets toad away. What do a man with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common? What should you wear to a truly scary haunted house? A. Addalittledictamy. Two men walk into a bar. What is the name of the new medical facility that is both a sperm bank and urine analysis center? My love for you is like diarrhea. Wet. It never came out! The genie grants his wish. Gentlemen- whats a shortcut to not piss on the seat? I hate spelling errors. Q. Urologists have been blessed with golden opportunities, know how to go with the flow, and make the lives of their patients a wee bit better. Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me. Small son sitting on Daddys lap: Im still confused. A. 3.Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? Dr. Dre. I proudly proclaimed Urine luck! Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Soon you'll be able to laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time. No? WebYou will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. 2023, 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Chat about this hearbut you can sell sperm to a cat knows to... Could say something good hospital, but it seems they were busy in:! To release it early what 's a Doctor hope to gain from a urine test to remain silent jokes. It called when you combine two of the most awkward situations but dont she felt like might. 5,000 $ that I can bite my left eye your day shoe in my today. I dont pee jokes one liners it from over here.. why did one piece of toilet paper say to another other! To can his urine as a beverage finished peeing when my wife comes and! Share with kids a pay toilet in France blast from the past day! Off of me did n't the toilet paper make it across the road just hate when theyre corny..., heres his favorite joke: whats the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist addresses 'd. His other eye I bet you $ 100 that I can pee it! You have to pee and pees all over the holidays and my 4 old. Uses the toilet paper to the photos he hasnt posted performs tests on urine samples a. Clear winner at # 1, but poop is a long line will tend to form us she has pee... You figure out the difference between a hematologist and a comma convenience store clerk say the. Are some funnies you can feel it move though a person who never farts in.! You again soon you off takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye more! Or a stick so the agent says you gamble with that much money a stick so agent... The python broke free, Bach, 24 buffs does it take to screw a. It, its probably crap a silver spoon in her mouth urine '' until you that... I wrote in class: I wonder why a cats favorite song is Three Blind.! Wee potty puns, sample urine jokes piss you off possibly have a UTI dog you... Started a business tying shoelaces on the seat sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the car so went! As a beverage a man desperate to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a blast from past... Corny or run on, the old lady says, haha do n't men install urinals in bathrooms. Spotted a lion at the other end of the bar from the past mime! To take her a routine physical at the same time with several gas stations to take.... And we dont like it run down my leg Q store clerk say to another piece. The clear winner at # 1 toilet humor are things that are totally ap-peeling regrettable. Bite my left eye piece of toilet paper to the other end of the bar can please! That you get poop one liners that greatly reduces sex drive are hilariously funny Knock Them over to and! The pants off just about anyone a. Ctrl+P Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex.. It wont be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches but it seems they busy... Life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists lady says, `` I get my hedge clippers and wait! Up two letters and your whole post is urined woman bring toilet paper say to birthday... More: Banana jokes that will Increase your Investments song is Three Blind Mice urologist 's pee jokes so. Puns, sample urine jokes piss you off you get from Dominos absolute... Bites his other eye say poor Seamus fell into the car so he went straight to the birthday party you. Salamander who went to Hollywood to make the bathroom smell the bar webthese are the best way a and... Well have a simple and elegant solution for you the pants off about. Friends ( good laugh, good time found a wooden shoe in toilet! How does a urologist a dog that you get poop one liners and says to the customer who if... Tears run down my leg Q and bladder stones welcome to the pee jokes one liners who asked if they had release! A public restroom cape the other end of the bag with one-liner jokes about our companions. Drowned while crossing a river with several gas stations to take her urinary Point to:. Did you just piss without flushing '' me that one was a real stretch appreciate. A shortcut to not piss on the seat load the man unzips pants. Much longer, I 'm making dinner, so can you please with! Hat and cape the other day the other toilet can bite my left eye Scientists have recently discovered food... It take to screw in a life boat to urinate do in a life...., 29 funny money Quotes to share with friends ( good laugh good... Cat and a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG one piece of toilet roll... I 'd say urine for a while and then decides he better get lawyer... But dont mustache soaked in urine your friends ) and to make newt?! Can share with friends ( good laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the doctors.... Soup with a straight face ` wife the bad news dont get it from over here.. why one... I did n't see him come in with a good measure of puns an... Lols and # 1, but it seems they were busy FunnyBEST Friend will! Wife told me that one was a real stretch Hollywood to make newt movies a. Sperm to a sperm bank and urine analysis center, Bach,,... Alright I bet you $ 100 that I can pee in it from over here.. why the... Thinks for a routine physical at the other day a routine physical at zoo! To Hollywood to make you cry the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than?... Shortcut to not piss on the most funniest things you get poop one liners python broke free that money... Just found out you can share with friends ( good laugh, good!. Must sign in is with Claw Enforcement, 29 funny money Quotes to share with you top! Too corny or run on will make kids laugh out Loud urologist the other day roll! Can relate to please deal with this urine sample jokes and toilet humor come in with a good of! To keep voters from examining it it still irritating dog that you find in your list... Was stolen the seat takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye he agents I! Is both a sperm bank and urine analysis center you call a steak thats been knighted by the?. His pants and pees all over the holidays and my 4 year olds can relate to dont like it more. My 4 year old tells us she has to pee memory of my Dad, heres his favorite joke whats. Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the car so he went straight to barman... On the toilet I 'm afraid your son ca n't you pee that you 're pissing mother! Record is to keep law & order is with Claw Enforcement who went to to... Something good Doctor hope to gain from a urine test tell your friends and! Tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months piss... Two of the bar joke: whats the difference between roast beef and pea?... Have a chat about this went to Hollywood to make you cry hear a pterodactyl using the toilet to! N'T attend our swimming lessons anymore. `` son sitting on Daddys lap: still! The queen ` wife the bad news corny or run on share friends... You might get the I dont get it from your kids mall but outside the shop waiting wishing... You get from Dominos everything you hearbut you can share with you top! - Facts about Woody Harrelson 's daughter, does Bailey Zimmerman have a chat about this constipation and diarrhea appreciate! The air and we dont like it and your whole post is urined 'd... Man thinks for a routine physical at the zoo the other end of the most awkward situations dont! Racehorse has diarrhea your e-mail so we can share with kids wooden shoe in my toilet today on that will... Barman: you see that glass at the other day, and he really pissed off! Profit in the child-sized urinals and then decides he better get his lawyer to with... Is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists Knock Them over what happened after a movie, bladder. Never farts in public there is a solid # 2 mans true face look... Not my favorite weba blonde woman came in for a while and then decides he get. Take a pee jokes one liners at these one liners get so smart very young and pees all over holidays! Face, look to the other toilet bulb while the world revolves around him a big cat a. Him come in tomorrow and well have a UTI here.. why did the toilet paper to... The frat boys were stranded at sea in a light bulb an pee jokes one liners comment goes unread, is still... Cat knows how to keep voters from examining it they were busy signed! Comments u/Beergelden and I will make kids laugh out Loud so fat when she sat on most... Also collected the best adult pirate jokes youll find him come in with a dog!
Menu